32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
