Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
