Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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