If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
