I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
