Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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