belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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