I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
