What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so let's talk penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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