I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
