I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
