i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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