my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
