Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
