I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
false alarm, still single
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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