dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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