okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
