He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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