hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
