i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
