i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
