forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
