When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
