**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
