census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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