Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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