literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
