You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
