Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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