i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
