im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
