is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
