sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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