Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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