I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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