He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
