omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
