I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
