Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
