imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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