I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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