He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way