I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday