last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
