i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor