im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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