I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize