You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No subtext here. People are naked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
