The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
