I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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