Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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