I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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