Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize