So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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