is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
