I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
