i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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