My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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