Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
