the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
