We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
