i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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