i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
