He kissed a someone with a penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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