and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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