Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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