Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
