I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
