I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize