You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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